It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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