I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My life is pants optional.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
