Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
last night I used snow as a chaser
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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