I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
