Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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