I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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