I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
