...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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