I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
