when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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