I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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