Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
