First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
