Don't you send me to vm
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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