I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
COCAINE IS GR8
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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