I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
