Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
