I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
