After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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