Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can I color on your dick again?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
