I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
