Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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