and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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