Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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