If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
