are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found the puke drawer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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