these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
