look no pants
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
