Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
