he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
