Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
