I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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