i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
