If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
