laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
