a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
