why didn't you poke me back
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
