i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
