Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
