someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
