I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
