Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
