Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
