you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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