I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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