Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
