puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
