They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
