Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're like the curious george of whores
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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