Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
